Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Let it be

With our bank account and credit cards maxed out, we slowly began losing hope. For the past three years; we've endured a great deal of let downs. Over the past three months, we attempted to regain our faith and attempt our first try with IUI. Each month that slowly passed, I found myself quickly loosing hope again. I became numb to the treatment process and it quickly overtook our lives.

On Monday October 17th we drove once again to Twin Lakes Medical Center. As we underwent another ultrasound, another trigger shot and were sent home with another month ahead of wonder, hope and possible let down. This was the month we decided to "Let it be" - we would not symptom check, we would not overthink it and there was no googling allowed. When we returned to the doctors office on Tuesday October 18th and underwent our second IUI, I was overwhelmed with positivity. I told Nikki it would be our month. I said it, and instantly regretted it as I didn't want to get our hopes up yet, once again. But, there we were driving home with our hopes secretly high and our faith slowly fading.

On Friday October 28th (10dpo) while working I began feeling funny; my stomach was hurting and I had the strangest rounds of cramps but quickly they went away. When Saturday (11dpo) came around, I began feeling the cramps a little more - followed by slight nausea; of course I debunked my new feelings as my period being due soon and tried to block them out. I did not symptom spot at all - we did not think about it, talk about it or suggest the possibility of it. Sunday morning (12dpo) we woke up for work; I took my daily medication that typically gives me quite a bit of energy, however, within two hours I was ready for bed! I refused to test, I refused to link it to the possibility that just maybe this IUI worked.

It was around 8:30am on Halloween morning; (13dpo) I heard my phone vibrating from a toll-free caller so loudly that it woke me up. I walked to it, ignored the call and decided to pee. When I got in the bathroom, without even thinking - I grabbed the clear blue digital pregnancy test and p

eed on it. I put it on the counter as I began to repeat "It will say not pregnant, don't let it ruin your day" I closed my eyes and continued to repeat it followed with "its going to be ok, you can just go back to sleep. Put it in the trash and try again" And then it happened, the test was completed and I wiped my eyes because what I saw seemed impossible. "PREGNANT" .... just like that, pregnant.

I quickly stood up and walked into our bedroom where Nikki laid asleep without any knowledge of the pure joy I just experienced. "Nikki"... "Nikki"... I repeated two or three times before she opened her eyes to see the pregnancy test I was holding.. she looked at it once or twice and then looked at me with a smile across her face she held me closely. It was too unbelievable! We sent an email to the doctor and requested an appointment for bloodwork. Around 2pm we got to the clinic for bloodwork, followed with lunch at Olive Garden and then made a decision to tell my mom. - Was that a good decision? Probably not, her excitement quickly reminded me how much it would hurt if the result came back negative.

I had a little spotting Halloween night, I was overly upset that I had done this to myself again! The spotting became dark and faint, and then gone completely. There were so many emotions, we decided to test again - another positive, and anoth

er. All we could do was wait - Tuesday morning, (14dpo) the doctors office called with life changing news. Your hcg levels are at 80, You're pregnant! From this point we will schedule you another bloodwork appointment to make sure your hcg levels are raising at the pace they should be. On Thursday, I will return to have my bloodwork taken and await the hopeful good news come Friday morning.

I never, in my wildest dreams thought I would see a positive pregnancy test - I never thought I would finally have the day to tell my wife that we did it - that I did it. This week has been overwhelming with joy.. not to mention - Nikki has an interview for a company that will surely begin her career as she finishes her bachelors degree. I never believed her when she told me to keep my patience, I refused to believe her when she said things would happen but we were doing it the right way so it was going to take time. Nikki kept faith and her faith kept us moving forward. Today, I can happily say she was right - 100 % right.

While we are in the danger of first trimester miscarriage, we boasted to our family and friends! We are enjoying every second of our first real - confirmed pregnancy.

What a year it's been, so far.