I’d be lying if I said she was my first, of course I tried to be "normal", but the connection was lacking and I couldn’t force myself into that normal life that I knew would be easier, instead I've stayed with what made me most comfortable, and from that day on it was her.
After several months of disappointment, we decided to put family planning to the side and focus on the here and now. We finally began to accept it may never happen.
There we were, a beautiful donor’s sperm stored away just waiting on the doctor’s word to be shipped, and we awaited my monthly visitor and began taking the fertility medication prescribed by the doctor. Of course, the obstacles continued. While the Clomid was easy to come by, it was absolutely terrible to handle. My hormones were all over the place, up, down, happy, sad, angry and sick as can be. The Pregnyl shot was the obstacle. Oh the joy of having no insurance covered for infertility.. 3thousand dollars was too much, I felt like we had reached a dead end. Thankfully, we found an alternative which was only 140 max. But finding it was the hard part. The medication wasn’t ready, it never showed after being ordered to the pharmacy. Damnit! We went into the doctors for the ultrasound to see if it could still be our month for IUI, but with my follicles being minimum – the doctor felt best we wait.