Before I write this post; I’d like to point out that these are my emotions and my knowledge based on my personal experience. I’ve read enough to last a lifetime and the biggest part of fertility treatments and infertility is the misunderstanding of it. I use blogging to express myself, my emotions, our journey and anything that happens in between. If you are going through fertility treatments, IUI, IVF, infertility, MC, CP or anything of that nature; you’re not alone, it’s ok to embrace your journey.
“Infertility is viewed worldwide by couples as a tragedy which carries social, economic and psychological consequences. It is estimated that 10% of the population globally suffers from infertility, which is generally defined as the inability to conceive after 1 year of unprotected intercourse” (Gupta 2000, p. 339).
Many people don’t talk about it, they don’t want the judgements, comments or suggestions – they bare the unbearable alone. Some people talk about it quietly, feeling shameful through every conversation and beating themselves after. Some people embrace it, explain it, talk about it and do their best to get through it with support and love. It’s not just the emotional aspect that can be overwhelming, it’s the financial responsibility, the physical invasion of your body, the mental invasion of your hope and dreams and the simple reality that you may always feel a part of you is broken.
The process of fertility treatments and infertility takes a significant toll on both a person and their marriage. Fertility is not a talked about topic as much as I believe it should be; it’s a hidden shame many females feel the burden of and can truly turn a beautiful life into the darkest you could imagine. Nikki and I have been dealing with the inability to conceive for two years and while we have only been undergoing fertility treatment for three months; I can feel the toll taking over every aspect of our lives. Fertility treatments cause so much of an unbalance in a person’s mind and body that not only is marital issues a concern, but friends and family relationships as well. You can’t force anyone to feel what you feel or to understand the rollercoaster of emotions you find yourself on and due to that very simple fact, a lot of relationships are lost.
Marriage is hard, we know this; infertility is devastating – the two combined can be flames or fireworks. I am so beyond thankful to have a wife who has stood by my side. Somedays are emotional, some are good and some I simply just make it through. Some nights I sleep and some I don’t. Some days I can eat all day and others I can’t take a bite. I’m sure the fertility medication plays a huge part of this, but to have such an un-judgmental, patient, caring and loving person truly makes a difference. Communication is key, talk about it to one another – you are both going through it. Talk about what ifs, both good and bad. Set up a plan, a way to deal with the outcomes every month. Forgive one another, you will both have days of darkness. Accept and love unconditionally – let go of what you thought should be and accept what is. Beyond it all, be there - fight for each other – fight the fight together.