Tuesday, October 18, 2016

The struggle of fertility

Monday came as we hoped for the best and prepared for the worst, thankfully; everything turned out positive. As we continue these doctor appointments, scans, shots, ultrasounds and hormones it almost seems we are living in a fog mind state; we both want to begin our family but after another unsuccessful attempt, we are slowly beginning to accept what may never happen.

Dr. Cortez insists we stay positive- therefore we have decided to stay silent, figuring the less chatter about it will result in less pressure. This will also allow for more time to deal with the negatives or positives as they come. There are so many people in this world dealing with fertility issues or attempting artificial inseminations and they all deal with their situation different – While most of our family and a few close friends are aware we have been trying to conceive, it becomes increasingly difficult to talk about it as time goes on.
Some days I hardly allow myself to think about it but other days I feel completely overwhelmed. People don't do well with emotional discomfort, it's simple to explain the procedure; but to explain the shame, guilt, hate, anger or sadness is almost impossible.
Last month when our first IUI failed; I found myself dealing with it almost as I always have, but this time it was different.. this time I felt defeated. We had such high hopes, knowing it was foolish - IUI and fertility treatment takes a toll on a person, I’m exhausted; my face is completely broken out and my body feels invaded, some days I can hardly stand to face people. I am thankful to have a wife who has done her best to be there and continues to be patient with me, especially when there is so much more going on in our lives right now; Doing this with someone you love makes a difference. I may feel alone but I know I'm not and for that I will be forever thankful.

Staying positive is hard, but here’s to the next month of our journey.