Monday, September 26, 2016

What you can't change; Changes you.


Throughout our journey to start a family, we’ve encountered a number of obstacles to which have severely changed my outlook on life. There are so many things we take for granted every day, whether it’s a job, a spouse, a new home or a baby. I’ve had to learn to stop taking things for granted; even the smallest things are contributes to a happy life and while it may not be exactly what I want when I want it, there’s still a lot of other positive things around us that shouldn’t be taken for granted, We have a beautiful life together.

During this process, I’ve found a lot of compassion for others. I joined a few support groups and have found myself becoming much more outspoken about our journey because of others. I have found this compassion to follow me through-out my everyday life as I am now more aware of everyone around me and I find myself constantly wondering what their journey is. Today, we were at Walmart and a lady in front of us had only $70 or so, she suddenly asked the cashier to stop ringing up her items as she had reached her limit. I so badly wanted to run and pay for the remaining few items for her, I began to utter the words to ask her but froze and let her walk off. I know she had a full cart of food and the cans behind weren’t anything that looked too important but my heart ached for her for the rest of the night.

I have found that life is completely unfair- Not because I don’t have what I personally want, but because there are so SO many people who deserve that one thing to make them complete and some of them never get it. Good things, don’t always happen to good people and that will forever bother me. Regardless of the time that passes, I will always find myself wondering why? Why didn’t I pay the $5 for the lady in front of me today, why didn’t the girls in my group get their positives this month? Why did that mother abuse her children? Why is this life so unfair?

While we’ve been dealing with trying for a family for over a year, every time is different and brings a new round of emotions, hopes, dreams and often, let downs.

This process has open my eyes to a whole new world and while I am still in my two week wait, I know that there’s a number of things I still need to accept and while I cannot change the outcome, the outcome has already changed me.