Wednesday, September 21, 2016

First IUI

Today was the day of insemination, with little sleep we woke up and prepared ourselves for our first go with IUI. I remember standing in the shower this morning, making deals with God, asking (selfishly I might add) for him to grant me this one wish, this one time. Of course when Nikki woke up, she was on cloud nine to keep me from feeling anxious, she even asked to take a conception day picture… That girl, she’s always doing something to make me smile. When we got to the doctors, we were relieved and calmed by the immediate support and helpful advice the nurses were giving us. As we waited in the room, Nikki couldn’t stop smiling and while I wanted to smile – I was afraid, if I opened my mouth I may just vomit everywhere! So there we sat, quietly waiting.

The doctor finally made his way to our room and with a grin, asked if we were ready and of course, we were beyond ready! The doctor and his assistant did the IUI with even a little humor to lighten the mood, the feeling of the catheter was almost unbearable; I closed my eyes and took a deep breath while I laid there. I tried to imagine the fertilization, continuously praying. It took about an hour, a total of one hour and we were on our way out of the door and on with our day.

Now, the dreadful two week wait begins. In the next two weeks, I am supposed to stay calm, stress free and positive. Of course I will do everything I can to follow these orders, however, I know I will be answering a number of questions that I won’t have the answers too. Do I feel pregnant yet? Do I have symptoms? And so on. I will investigate google for every minor ache and twinge I may feel, I will research statistics over and over and go from being extremely confident to completely insecure. The two week wait is two weeks from hell. October 5th will take what feels like years to get here.

One would imagine two weeks is nothing compared to the months, and even years we’ve already waited- but this time it’s different, this time it’s with the doctors and everyone feels like it’s going to work but the truth is, it’s literally a 20% chance. I know I’m not infertile per say; I have some issues with my ovaries, yes but that doesn’t mean I’m unable to conceive; I’ve just not had any luck in doing so, thus far. Of course I’d like to say I feel pregnant, but how would I know what that even feels like? So, with a heavy mind and a tired heart, I’m ready for day one of fourteen days of hell.